I’ve decided, and it may be foolish, not to take Seroquel. I do have the prescription, but I also researched the drug before taking it. This particular drug knocks people out. What they don’t tell you is that it causes heart palpitations, strokes, weight gain, suicidal tendencies, seizures, metabolic problems, immune system problems. Dude, did he not hear that I have an autoimmune disease? I also have anemia. Dude, know… just know. I only met this psychologist one time.

Now that I’ve had time to think about it. These psychologists want to make you believe that there’s something majorly wrong with you. This particular psychologist, didn’t even look me in the eye. He knew me for a total of ten minutes and he was already pushing drugs onto me. That’s a problem. That tells me this psychologist has been bought by the drug industry. He was short, he was rude, and he was snappy. Fuck no… you’re not putting me in a hospital. Fuck you and fuck your pills too. Try again. They can’t even do a blood test to see if it’s effective. I’ve been on drugs. Both legal and illegal.

So, they wanted me to start out with Seroquel at 25 mg. Once my body becomes used to it, they crank that fucker up. Another thing they don’t tell you is that this drug shrinks your brain. Not only does it shrink your brain, it also takes off 20 years of your life. Fuck it, I’ll deal with my “issues” without medication. I’m going to continue to change my diet. I will face my anxiety and get out. “We have no cure.” Why the fuck am I wasting my time with someone who didn’t look at me until the end? When he shook my hand, that was the only time he looked at me. That little seed of doubt and Borderline has tapped me on the shoulder. “I’m sorry. I’ll be good. You don’t need that medication. I’ll be good. Please, don’t take it. You have kids that need you. We’ll try harder. You don’t want to be on that shit. You’re already sick as it is.”

What will I do? I think it’s time to visit a holistic doctor. Holistic doctors have been here since the beginning of time. I do have to take Levothyroxine for the rest of my life. I did try Armour and it didn’t work for me. I’m missing 75% of my thyroid. The psychologist didn’t do a proper health panel. He didn’t want to see if it was a biological issue. Houston, that’s a problem. No blood test and here! Take this! It will make you feel better! No, it won’t. It will give me more problems. I won’t compromise my physical health over my mental health. I want to be around for my kids. Zoloft, Zyprexa, and Citalopram left me feeling even more suicidal. We know the deal. We’ve been down that road before. We refuse to go down it again.

Holistic doctors will check to see what metabolic ingredient you’re missing and they will only prescribe probiotics and vitamins. Now, that’s my kind of doctor. I’d rather have my chakras realigned.

That psychologist made me feel ashamed, unworthy, and dirty even. I’m not saying don’t go to one. I’m just asking you to make sure they’re not drug pushers. This dude was a drug pusher. He didn’t obtain my full family history. Nothing! Run, don’t walk out of places like that. He should have done a full blood panel. He should have seen what vitamins I was missing. He should have prescribed an MRI to make sure there isn’t anything biological going on with me. I question his motives. We can argue and say that’s a family doctor’s responsibility… but aren’t psychologists, doctors too? No man… just know. I refuse to jeopardize my health over my mental health. I’m not a danger to those around me. Pulling me away from my family, like he wanted to do, would only make me worse than I already am.

So, today I’m going to the gym. I will force myself to go. I will learn to deal with people and crowds. I can do it. If I can write a book, I sure as fuck can deal with people.



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