Tell me something, I don’t already know. Yes, I’m unstable. I’m freaking the fuck out. How did my Psychologist appointment go? Well… Borderline, Bipolar, & Anxiety showed up to the party. He annoyed the fuck out of me. I didn’t like him and he purposely triggered borderline. She came out to play. She was like, “Fuck you.” When I go to my therapy appointments, anxiety normally shows herself.
He triggered me. My answers were short. I rolled my eyes. I wanted to scream. I was majorly pissed off. Borderline came and he knew what he was doing. He poked me with a stick and she showed up. Sarcastic answers, eye rolling, and a “fuck you” attitude. I became a totally different person. Anytime I feel like someone is being sarcastic or being an asshole to me, borderline shows up. She puts you in your place, real quick. “Hey, you’re going to respect me or fuck off.”
He wanted to put me in a hospital and anxiety wasn’t having that. I have books to write, kids to take care of, and the irrational fear that my husband will leave me, if I am admitted to a hospital. I don’t want to be hospitalized. I don’t want to sit in a room full of strangers. I want to be home, where I know I’m safe. Three days away from my family, is the worst thing for me. I have to be around my kids. I have to know they are okay. I’m afraid someone will break in and hurt my family. I have to be home.
“You are not well. You need intense therapy.” Yes, I know I’m not well. But I don’t want to be around other people, I don’t know. Are you going to electrocute me? I’m not down with the electroshock therapy. Pissing and shitting down my pants, just doesn’t appeal to me. Losing chunks of my memory, I don’t want that to happen either. I don’t want anyone invading my space. I don’t want to be stuck in a room with other people. I don’t care who it is. So, we opted for intense out-patient therapy. I have to attend five intense therapy sessions a week for three weeks.
Borderline & Bipolar spoke up again. “I don’t think I need medication. I do meditation and eat healthy. I listen to music and write.” It was a smartass answer. So, my psychologist has prescribed a very low dose of Seroquel. I start taking my medication tonight. I’ll let you know if it gives me an out-of-body experience. Let’s just hope, I don’t wind up in the emergency room.
I see my psychologist, again, this Saturday. Don’t poke the borderline. That bitch doesn’t play.