In therapy, we went over the different types of abuse. Sometimes, you don’t even realize it is abuse. You see it on a daily basis, day in and day out. So, growing up, you believe it is natural. In return, you seek relationships that are often similar to your childhood, because it is all that you know. In case you don’t realize it, here are the other ways that someone can be abuse and not even know it.
- Verbal abuse: Calling either partner names. That’s considered verbal abuse. I grew up in a household like this as a small child. You hear all the f-bombs, mofo, dumbass, and other names, one calls their partner. Notice I typed “partner” because it goes both ways. Women dish out verbal abuse just as much as men do.
- Emotional abuse: Making someone feel bad for their feelings. Making them feel inferior to them. That goes hand in hand with verbal abuse. Constant crying and things never being perfect enough. No matter how hard my mom tried, my dad would always find something wrong. He never lifted her up. Not. One. Time. He always insulted her family for being “uppity” and shit like that. So in turn, you turn to food or shopping. The house was never clean enough. Never mind that she spent hours with five kids to keep the house spotless. Like, you could eat off the floor, that’s how clean she was. To see my dad’s house now, it pisses me the fuck off. His house today is fucking nasty. Clutter everywhere, shit stuck in the carpets, nasty kitchen, nasty bathroom. He did this to my mom! And now… he lives in complete filth. This becomes more than “If you loved me, you would do this and that for me.”
- Religious abuse: This is a heavily contested subject. It’s a hot topic and I understand why. But when your kid is shaking from fear, there’s a problem. When your kid is telling you that they’re having nightmares about Hell, there’s a problem. Using God or a form of God as abuse. “You’re going to go to hell if you do this and do that.” Don’t do that to your kids. “God is going to hate everything that you do.” It wasn’t (in my case), something to feel love. I still hate going to church to this very day. I literally have panic attacks, if I step inside a church. My nightmares, make Stephen King books look like baby kittens. Real and sheer terror. I tried it for a month and I couldn’t stick it out. My PTSD told me to run. I often trembled, felt clammy, sick to my stomach, and it brought back flashes of my childhood. I had to leave. For my own sanity, I had to leave. This automatically doesn’t make me an Atheist. I do believe in a God, I just don’t think its a judgmental prick. Notice, I said its. My dad often made me pray and if I didn’t pray every day, I was told that I would wind up in Hell. He mentioned other things that still trigger PTSD. “Well join another faith!” I’ve tried that. It doesn’t matter which faith. I have issues with churches/temples in general. I have issues with religion. My dad used it as a way to torment me.
- Intellectual abuse: Probably could classify as emotional and verbal, but this is true. Making someone feel stupid for not completing college/high school and other things of that nature. We see this often times on Facebook posts. “You’re stupid and I can tell by your degree…” You are an intellectual abuser. Anytime you make someone feel worthless or small, it’s abuse. The same if they’re not speaking English and it is broken English. When you dominate a person and feel superior to another by expressing how much more intelligent you are than they are, it’s abuse.
Some of these sound silly. Some of these may sound absurd. I get that. “Are you an SJW?” No. I am not. I am just a person, trying to survive this life. Even though, I’m often tempted to fall into one of those traps, I remember what happened to me as a child. Would I want to make someone feel inferior to me? What would I get out of hurting another human being? That isn’t me. I don’t want to fall into that trap. Of hurting someone, just so I could feel better about myself. It makes absolutely no sense.
That’s probably why, I’m staying away from politics. Both sides are bombing each other with terrible names for each other. We were divided a long time ago, the moment we had political parties. The moment we checked our sex into boxes. The moment we chose what nationality we were, color of skin, religion/lack of religion. We checked those boxes as little kids. The media, taught us to hate each other for our differences. School systems have taught us to hate each other for our differences. They claim they are going to help us with anti-bullying policies, but they don’t. USA was never united. If one’s own opinion is different from another’s opinion, we are not united. Would you want to be united? Would you want everyone to think the same? That would be one boring country full of zombies and robots.
Liberals and Conservatives are both terrible for calling each other names. Neither side wants to sit down, shut up, and listen to the other. There is no rational conversation here. Everyone is flying verbal bombs at each other. None of us can agree to disagree. As long as we keep checking those boxes, we’ll never be united. The anger is displaced. The anger rages on without any real reason. We waste too much time and energy, hurting one another. What have you done with your own family? What have you done to help others? I believe there is darkness in everyone, but there is also goodness in everyone. You can’t have a positive charge without a negative charge. A simple science class, moved me to think that way throughout my life. When you’re wishing harm upon another person, it doesn’t make it right. To believe that one sex hurt you, so that all of them must be horrible! No, several men did hurt me. My own father hurt me. That didn’t kill it for an entire gender. Because, I do have an amazing husband and three amazing sons. I see the goodness and love in them. Unconditional love. That’s stupid to hate an entire gender for what a few of their representatives did to me. The same goes for churches. I’ve never been wronged by any church. I just have a mental issue that I need to work on, so I can sit in a church. Sometimes, it isn’t the church that’s evil. Sometimes it’s the people who sit in those pews, are evil. Those are the masks, Stephen King mentioned a dozen times. “Who needs real monsters, when you can look around and see real monsters.”
Anytime someone makes it like you’ve done wrong, evil, bad, and not good enough… realize it is because of them. They are the ones, who are sick. They are the ones, who need therapy. Should I hate my father? No. I forgive him and I moved on. I also feel empathy for him. He was a sick man, who had no business raising kids. You have the power to continue their traditions or change them. Do I want to be like him or my mother? No. I can’t stand yelling. Yelling alone, upsets me. Screaming upsets me. Calling a child worthless, is upsetting to me. I chose not to continue the cycle of abuse. I cuddle with my kids and we laugh about their day. You have to let go of the past at some point. That’s the hardest lesson to learn. That and we’re only on this planet for a very short time. Maybe we crumble into worm bait. Maybe there is an afterlife of some sort. Maybe we’re reincarnated into slugs. Who knows? The dead can’t tell us. They’re dead. None of us truly knows what happens to us after we leave this planet.
But, I want to spend my time on things that matter to me. To be a good human being. Not a good woman, or moderate, or whatever else these labels we use. I want to spend every minute and second with my family. These are the people who truly matter. Whether we lived in a mansion or a cardboard box. They are the reason, why I stopped watching all forms of news, listening to news, talk radio, or participating in politics of any kind. Keep your garbage away from me. I don’t need to listen to all the hate, anger, fear-mongering, and disappointment.
But if you are being abused… GET OUT! I don’t care if you have to walk. I don’t care if you have kids. I don’t care if you’re broke. GET OUT! You have to take that step and walk out that fucking door. You deserve love and happiness. Every human being deserves to be loved and to give love. It doesn’t always have to be physical. It can be all the examples that I listed above and more. Don’t blame yourselves for someone else’s problems. They are the ones with the issues. Don’t be their doormat. Walk out. It’s hard to take that first step. Ask the police, if you need out. I did that one before. I was scared but I called the police and they brought me to safety. Because of them, I’m still here. I won’t bash an entire group because of a few bad seeds. There are good people and bad people all around us. The good people are the true angels.
*Please, note that this will be the first and last time, I mention politics or religion*