I haven’t laughed in a long time. I’ll snicker here and there but I haven’t really laughed in such a long time! Ever since Robin Williams has passed away, I haven’t found anything worth laughing over. When he died, it knocked me down. It was like someone sucker-punched me in the gut. I always watched his movies and his shows. To see someone like that, pass away, it throttled me hardcore. I lost my shit for a while there. I became afraid. I really became afraid of myself. It tore me to pieces. When someone is just a huge ball of light and it dimmed out, it makes you over think things. It makes you paranoid, angry, and scared. I’m still here and he isn’t. It makes me hate mental illnesses even more. I’m so afraid of becoming its latest victim that I try so hard to stay above the water.

I know what that darkness feels like. I know what drowning feels like. It’s a terrible place that I wouldn’t wish on a “normal” human being. It at times, feels like you can’t crawl out of it. It’s like someone tying cement blocks to your feet. No matter how hard you try, and your family tries to cheer you up, it doesn’t seem like it’s going to happen.

Well today, I laughed my ass off. I didn’t want to watch his videos at first. He’s one of those “balls of light.” His eyes just remind me of human kindness. In a crude-humor way, I laughed like I haven’t laughed in years! I had rumbling in my stomach and I haven’t felt this good in a long time. All he said was “Go stuff an apple in your hole.” I don’t know what made him think of such a thing! I roared with laughter. My kids checked on me because they haven’t heard me laugh like that in a long time. You know with BPD and Bipolar, you’re always making others laugh. I had tears of laughter, flooding my face. It may seem insulting to some but he wasn’t trying to be. He’s like, “Honey, I’ve got issues.” Some of his videos do seem a little scatter-brained but I LOVE them! From the moment he opens his mouth, I’m entranced for a whole hour! I’m laughing insanely and just enjoying what he says. Who is this person? Peter Monn on YouTube! He brought out my humor and joy. And he also features his lovely husband, too! You can see how much they love each other. It is a breath of fresh air. He doesn’t have to be a 10 but he’s a 10 in my book. He made me laugh! The emotionless, crying, and unhappy writer! And he’s a writer,too!

Peter always tease and jokes about being “YouTube famous!” And you know what? In my world, he is “YouTube famous.” Peter is a silver fox in his own right. But the younger generation calls him “Woof Daddy” and “Dad.” He isn’t really a dad but he’s emits a positive glow that you can’t help but fall in love with him. He talks about real issues and you don’t see many people like that anymore. Everyone is so busy being negative that they ignore the positives in life. It’s a breath of fresh air that someone is doing something positive that affect our youth, mainly the LGBTQA youth. I adore his husband and you know he’s got to be “facepalming” at some of the shit, Peter says. Peter would be the guy, who rips a big fat one in the middle of a funeral. You know, he wouldn’t give a shit. And there is light in his eyes. Just pure joy and love in his eyes. I haven’t seen a pair of eyes sparkle like that, since Robin Williams. I believe Peter would do well in comedy. I’ve busted a gut today. He even brought out my comedic side. I hope he continues making videos because, I would watch those “all day long.” So, go check out Peter Monn on YouTube.

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