Now that I’ve had time to think about it, I have those suckers all the time. Auditory Hallucination are freaky to have. Sometimes it sounds like someone is talking to me, right beside my ear. It felt like you’re being shocked. It didn’t dawn on me until now when my therapist asked me this question. “Do you hear the voices like they’re on a loudspeaker?” Now that I’ve had time to reflect, yes! I’ve had those all my freaking life! I’ll also see things that aren’t here. Like big giant black or white blobs. They are freaking huge and scary.
What do the auditory hallucinations sound like? One said this just last month. “Hey, Jennifer.” It was a feminine tone and it was quick. If I don’t keep ear buds in my ear, I’ll hear them all the time. I can’t stand the silence because I know these will return. Some sound evil. I’ve had two masculine voices in last October and a long time ago. One, I couldn’t make out what it was saying. It sounded very mean and garbled.I haven’t heard that one since. Most of the time, it sounds like a family member calling out my name. “Jenny.”
I remember hearing one when I was three. It sounded like my dad was calling me in my brother’s room. I remember entering their room and nobody was there. I hear these all the time. I thought it was normal and that most people had these. None of them told me to kill anyone or hurt anyone. It’s like a shock and it’s hard to describe. The hair on your arms, neck, and legs stand straight up.
How do I combat this? I have to sleep with the TV on or put ear buds in my ears at all times. I will play loud music to tune it out. I hate nighttime because it’s usually a lot worse. I still have them during the daytime but not as bad. I can remember being 24 and it felt like God was talking to me in the middle of an aisle at work. I remember asking co-workers if they heard that. Nobody heard anything. That explains a ton. The voice told me to stay working for that company and not to quit my job. Because I was on the fence. I didn’t know if I wanted to stay with that job or leave. I remember being stressed out. You had to make a specific rate and I was behind. It was weird.
Now that I know my brain is wired wrong, I can say that it really isn’t me. It felt like I heard a voice through the loudspeaker. I need to tell my therapist right away. I forgot all about these suckers. I’ll see white blobs too. This is scary to live through. Your rational mind tells you that there is nobody there. But you’re still looking around every corner. People like to play pranks, so here you are, searching for a hidden tape player.
Yeah, I have to listen to something while I sleep. If it’s too silent, the voices will start again. Watch my therapist change my diagnosis. I feel stupid for never mentioning them or giving them a second thought. As for the evil sounding voice, it threw up my childhood back in my face. It was garbled but this came through… “You’re a bad, bad girl!” After that, I couldn’t make out the rest. It’s so damn frustrating!
Actually, I can wait on this until Friday. I’m going to shoot my therapist an e-mail right now. He’s got to know about these. At least I’m getting the help that I need. I don’t want to be stuck on the wrong pill again. That is my biggest fear. I’m paranoid with taking the wrong pill because I had such a horrible time with Zoloft and Citalopram.