Yep, I’m going to be in therapy for a long… time. Today was a bad day. I was behind on NaNoWriMo and I have an ARC (advance review copy) that has to be read by a certain date. It already started off on the wrong foot. My eyes were shifting back and forth at a rapid pace. I haven’t had a seizure since August.
I had to deal with my middle son, not doing his homework. He chose to scream and he threw his papers down. His pencil shot across the room. The next thing was my daughter was taking these pieces of white stuff and throwing it all over the house. Not to mention, the dishes weren’t done and the trash… The final straw was that I saw a bug. What happened next? Meltdown City.
The next thing I remember, I was throwing the laundry in the washer, throwing the dishes in the dishwasher, and smacking the toaster upside down. I was livid. I lost my shit. I threw away a ton of stuff in the trash. I don’t remember cleaning, but I cleaned the entire house from top to bottom. The kids are fine. My oldest son stopped me. “Mommy, why are you moving so fast?” Something inside me told me to clean, clean, CLEAN!
One thing I can’t stand is a messy house. I can’t live in a messy house. It drives me nuts. It took me fifteen minutes to clean the house. My husband is now texting me and making sure I’m okay. I’m okay now. I wasn’t two hours ago. I’m going to mop the floor after I run the vacuum in the cracks of where the floor meets the walls. Yes, I’m that type of clean freak. That’s the good thing about mental illness. You go into these wild cleaning sprees. “Oh, shit… mom is cleaning!” When I clean, I throw a ton of shit out. I don’t care what it is, I’ll throw it out. I can’t stand paper being on the floor. I love coming home to an orange-scented type of clean. It drives me nuts! As for laundry, that’s ongoing. But I saw those dishes and I lost my cool.
My therapist is going to have fun with me next weekend. I cleaned everything. I even surprised myself. I entered my bedroom and I asked my son. “Did I clean my room?” “Yes, mommy. You don’t remember cleaning your room?” He laughed at me and I started laughing, too. “You were out of it, mommy. You were going really fast and you were cleaning like a mad woman.” I have people who are here with me to help out with the kids. I mean, there were dishes all over the place and I saw red. People were just sitting around and I lost my shit. You have white shit flying in the air, a kid that didn’t want to do his homework, and company over. I admit it, I lost it!
My husband is joking with me. “At least we don’t have to clean the house now. Are you better?” I’m lots better. The company left in a hurry. I don’t know why. I would have to say it was a mixture of Borderline and Bipolar, all rolled into one ugly meltdown. Then you throw in a MS Hug or seizures, it was nasty. Today was nasty. My husband wrote the following, “You go, babe. You got things done! Now take it easy.” But I’m still going to dig out the crevices and mop the floor until it shines. I’ll wait for the kids to go to bed, first.
I hugged my kids and kissed them. But my kids were laughing. I looked like I was on crack today. I was on a mission to clean my house. It still isn’t 100% clean to my liking. I could never hire a housekeeper, I would have to do it all myself. I’m that anal. I also organized the kids’ clothes. Yep… I’m that anal retentive. I’m not perfect. I will lose my cool. It was a bad day for company. I did yell. All about being a pig and my house being a wreck. My kids think it’s cool. “You moved faster than daddy and nana!” Yeah, fifteen minutes. But I did burn dinner. My kids are fine. I’m fine and everyone in the house is laughing at my manic state. Bipolar… it sucks when you’re depressed but it’s great when you’re in mania.