Something has chipped away at me for a long time. It bugged me to no end. I won’t mention any names, but I stumbled upon a bigoted channel. The woman, who also happens to be a writer, slammed diversity. How can you be a writer and slam diversity? I tell you what, she ate at my soul. I was fuming and saw red. Maybe you can blame it on the BPD. But it really pissed me off. Nothing she talked about in her video, made any sense to me. She is very much against diversity in any form.
The automatic thought, was here I am, a proud member of the mental illness club. She hates anyone that isn’t white and pure. I saw red. I wanted to reach through the screen and smack her. I’m still angry about it today. She said a lot of terrible things against other races. It’s like that bully in school. They keep making fun of you and you want to hit them, but you can’t. She has to be the most foulest creature on earth. And she is just one of probably a million of them out there. A pathetic bully. How can you be like that? How can you live that way? Social Justice Warriors… what in the actual fuck? Yes, I am one. Why? Why not?
I am a left-leaning moderate. I use to be democrat a long time ago. But there is extremism on both sides. I chose to remain a moderate, because someone needs to be the calm in a sea of insanity. Now that I’ve watched Trump, I think I’m pretty normal, compared to him. He’s screaming mental health disorders. But, I’m not his therapist and wouldn’t want to be. I see Bipolar and NPD in the man. He screams it. Grandiose, thinks highly of himself, thinks all the women desire him, doesn’t understand consequences, has everyone walking around on eggshells, manipulation, flight of ideas, paranoia, mind control, and control in general. I see him. I’ve had some issues myself. I had to think, “Whoa… this dude needs help!” I won’t belittle the man. I just think he needs professional help. And I’ve been around enough people with disorders to know, something’s off about him.
Back to the writer in question, she said that you write what you know. If you’ve been around white people, you’re going to write a cast of white characters. That maybe true but you’re a damn writer. You joined the most liberal and opinionated job out there today. Well, most are liberals. There is Christian Fiction and other religious fiction out on the market today. When I think of writers, I think of the most persuasive people out there today. We write your speeches, procedures for your jobs, bills, music, television, movies,, and whatever else, I have failed to mention. Majority of us (not all), have a mental illness of some form. There is a huge list of writers, who have mental illnesses. Some have taken their own lives. Woolf, Hemingway, Plath, and others… have taken their own lives. There’s even a study that states, people who write in first person, are suicidal.
WTF? I won’t lie, I have tried suicide on multiple occasions. My previous one was in 2014. My first attempt was in 1990-91. I was hospitalized on multiple, multiple occasions. That was after they put me on antidepressants. You can’t stick someone with Bipolar 1 on antidepressants. My doctor refused to take me off of them. It drove me to have suicidal ideation. This doctor refused to take me off of Citalopram aka Celexa. It was making me do crazy shit. I was seeing and hearing things that weren’t in the room on a daily basis. I beg doctors, please don’t prescribe antidepressants. You could cost someone their life! It’s in a black box for a reason. It drove me crazier than I already was. I couldn’t sleep, I couldn’t eat, and I hated myself, while I was on that drug. Needless to say, I saw what was going on, I threw my pills away. Which is stupid, don’t do that. You have to taper yourself off of them. I did the dumb thing, and quit cold turkey. I sat with brain zaps for months. It was then, when I was going through detox, that I had to fight for myself. Even today, I have delusions, but they are not as bad as they were, when I was on antidepressants. I’ll see black or white blobs and hear voices on occasion. But not as bad as I was. There’s my Bipolar. I’m not the only one in the family, who has it. I have cousins, aunts, uncles, siblings, and parents with Bipolar. I rattled off the symptoms of Borderline to my mother and this is what she said. “OMG, I do that too! I thought, I was losing my mind!” So there you go. Mine is genetic. I also fired that doctor and obtained an understanding one.
The purpose of diversity is acceptance. No matter what you come from, race, gender identity, cultural background, mental health, social economic status, religious/lack of, or sexual preference… we all need acceptance. We all need to embrace each other and respect each other’s differences. The world is littered with hate and war. Children are dying in all walks of life. We are all humans. We feel pain, anger, love, bleed the same color, pee, and poop the same. We are humans! It boggles my mind, how we can hate ourselves and others. It took me a long time to fix myself. All I did was apologize to the people around me. I had so much rage built up for a long time.
Since I’ve been working on a series since, 2008. I’ve battled autoimmune diseases, surgeries, and mental health issues. I needed that year to myself. I saw people differently. And this thought entered my mind. “What if people are just evil in general? No real reason other than they can be this way, just because they can.” It made me look over my series. I titled it several times. I also did a study on my family. I have cousins in all walks of life. My ancestors loved each other enough, to set those differences aside. Yeah, we may all be a part of the “crazy” tree, but we’re still here. I have family members, who are atheist and who are in a different religions than the rest of us. My family is diverse. Because of that love, it inspired me to write more diverse characters. I don’t care to appeal to the masses. I just need to represent my series in the best “human” way possible. Even though, they are different supernatural creatures. I gave my characters strength, acceptance, hope, friendship, and love. I believe we need more “mental” characters in a positive light, more LGBTQA, more races, and more religious/lack of characteristics. That all these characters can put their differences aside for the common good. Imagine, if we as a society, could do that? Think of how much better the world would be. No bullying, no gender biases, no discrimination, no war, no famine, and no starvation. Just love each other. Do I think it would ever happen? No. That’s the sad reality of it all. But, it would be nice if we could.